Years ago, I went through a TERRIBLE divorce experience. Looking back, I think I was mentally ill for many years. It didn’t seem that way, but I do remember colleagues kept calling me and saying “Are you SURE you’re OK?”
They knew I wasn’t.
Things seemed to go through many stages: the classic denial and so forth. There was a period of a year or two when I would have had her back on ANY terms (wouldn’t have solved much, though!)
Then there was a period of several more years where I would have had her back on negotiated terms.
Eventually, I’m glad to say, I found the real love of my life: Vivien. I’m now actually glad it all happened.
But I know, for many people, the pain of breaking up is very acute; almost unbearable.
All that grips your mind for years is the desire to get them back. No matter how bad things seemed, you tell yourself, it’s not as bad as being alone.
And, you know, it’s been my teaching for many years, that “Divorce solves nothing”. The same old habits and problems are still there. You take all the baggage to your next relationship and wreck that too.
I remember writing to my ex-wife that 85% of couples who divorce WISH THEY WERE BACK WITH THEIR FIRST PARTNER (fact, by survey). She didn’t listen. That’s when she still believed in the guy she ran off with. Soon he was gone and she was lonely. Then she proved the statistics were correct! She clearly wanted me back. But it was too late. I was happily re-married.
So, when I saw what T.W. Jackson had to say, I was hooked immediately. He was talking about what I went through; except that in those days we didn’t do text messaging.
He struck a chord because there are so many people going through the pain of loss and, I think, 95% of breakups could be averted, if only there was good communication to resolve the issues.
Here’s my absolute favorite quote on the subject of love, it’s by Emmet Fox (from “The Sermon On The Mount”):
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open.
Now, go get T.W.’s course “The Magic of Making Up”; and I hope you live happily ever after!
Sincerely,
Prof. Keith
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