Nobody does love really well. One or two individuals seem to find connection and get it right. The rest of us, we fake it. We PRETEND we’re connected and happy but deep down inside, we know we are running on empty.
Trouble is, nobody is TEACHING this stuff properly. There’s a lot of talk (Biblical, media, schools and home) but no-one teaches it like a science. That’s a shame. Because love isn’t all about feelings. It devolves down, in the end, to how you act, what you show to others about yourself, what you say and what’s in your heart.
Photo by Everton Vila at Unsplash.com
The vast majority of humans long for love—they want to love and be loved—yet give out all the wrong signals. Without the right signals and valid encouragement, most people quit on love. They are scared to make a mistake and so don’t honestly “show up”. Oh yes, they talk the talk—but they don’t walk the walk.
That’s not to say people are phoney or dishonest. Simply non-congruent. They want love so much but don’t know how to ask for it! They don’t give it, because they don’t get it. And there’s one of the disastrous mistakes almost everyone makes. You can’t ration out love like a bank account: “You get so much and I want so much in return.” Or, “I’m not loving you with more units than you show to me.”
It’s wrong, catastrophically wrong, because love doesn’t work like that. You MUST GIVE before you can get. Giving love abundantly is the only way to get love. But also, it really is not an accounting exercize. There is no rationing system and no lack, so you need never worry about how much love to GIVE and how much you want in return.
Because the true accountancy of love actually brings in more for you, the more you give! Instead of thinking in terms of draining your tank by giving out love, understand that the more you share freely, give away abundant and generous love, the more it flows to you.
You couldn’t empty your love coffers by spending if you tried!
But try to work it the other way round; to conserve and be miserly with love, in the hope of having more, you’ll end up with NONE. It’s a qualitative thing, not quantitative. If you tell people they’ve got to be nice to you, before you’ll be affectionate to them, you lose! It’s just not the way it works.
Unfortunately, this simple but profound truth is not taught and it should be. It should become our scriptural duty, to love and love in earnest. But we say the words and don’t act as if we believe it
It starts right there: a child should be raised with enormous self-esteem and love of Being. Love yourself is the start of abundance in love. No-one can love another, much less an enemy, who does not first love him or her self.
But parents don’t really teach that message. There is still too much of the old “children should be seen and not heard.”
Shame is such a shame!
Just “loving God” doesn’t cut it either. Unfortunately, most religions preach poverty and self-effacement. “I’m no good, I’m not worthy, I don’t deserve to be anything but being poor and miserable,” is not a good place from which to find or create love. Moreover, the idea that God wants that slobbery nonsense from you is just an abuse from the priest classes, who want unhappy obedient slaves, not fun loving free thinkers.
So we need to kick that one on the head, right away.
One of the things that causes confusion and failure around love is the fact of mixing up religious precepts with natural, warm human loving. God loves you, God creates everything, bad stuff happens, therefore God is the problem, is an insoluble conundrum for most people. They get confused about the God model and about love!
How Do You Know If You Are Love-Starved?
Do you sometimes feel empty, alone, or unfulfilled deep down? As if there is this barrier, like a plexi-glass screen, between you and everyone else and you are always on the outside looking in?
Feeling starved for affection is gut-wrenchingly painful, and is often a leading reason as to why people cheat, act out, or otherwise behave strangely in relationships. Speaking as someone who’s been there, I can honestly say that it’s shocking how many people don’t realize when their partners are feeling this way.
The feeling of loneliness, and the fear of not having anyone to care or love you, the feeling of rejection, is actually the feeling of being abandoned. The feeling of abandonment becomes inevitable when we lose those who have been very close to us.
The way you are treated emotionally by your parents determines how you will treat yourself as an adult. This has been proven over and over again in study after study. Notice I did not say it will determine how you treat others, or treat your own children—just how you treat YOURSELF.
Emotion is an undeniable part of your biology. If you ignore your emotions, you will feel ignored on some level, no matter how much care you give yourself in other ways.
Emotion is the substance of all relationships. If you are not attending to your emotions, you are by-passing a vital source of connection and joy.
Emotional Intelligence has been proven to be more valuable to success in life, relationships and work than general intelligence (IQ). It’s extremely vital that you know how to name, use and manage emotion, as well as how to deal with it in others. Yet parents cannot teach it because 99% of them don’t know what is needed!
People who received emotional validation from their parents in childhood are generally able to provide it automatically to their own children. People who didn’t receive it enough themselves will likely struggle to provide it as parents. It is vital to recognize what you didn’t get yourself, so that you can make conscious effort to learn the missing skills, fill your own blind spots, and give your children what you didn’t get.
You can do it, even after many years! In fact you will probably enjoy the Supernoetics® Revelation Program called “Healing a Lifetime of Love!”
To your good health,
Prof. Keith Scott-Mumby
The Official Alternative Doctor
Once again, this is from my series “Scriptures In The Making”. Feel free to join us for more wisdom, more love, more tolerance, at scripturesinthemaking.com.